As I turned 32 last week, I reflected back about my life – Alhamdulillah, Allah has granted me so much and I have tried to be a better Muslim from time to time – but have I really understood and live a life in full, total submission to Allah, my Creator?

My life seems to follow a normal path just like anybody – went to school, and then university, got a job, got married and have kids. I’m a Muslim so I pray five times a day, fast and so on so forth. And as it goes for most people – we work hard, and we get through InsyaAllah. Usaha, Doa, Tawakal. We make plans for our future as part of our effort to live a better life – knowing that Allah is the Best Planner. Wherever we are in life right now, it is what Allah has destined for us. But life is not without test and challenges. 

At this stage of life right now, there are times when I feel it is so hard. I have a wonderful husband, a great family on both sides, am blessed with lovely kids, excellent friends – but its nothing if I don’t have a strong relationship with Allah. I may have achieved a lot of things, but it is only because Allah wills it. I managed to get through difficult times but it is only because Allah is always there to help me and ease it for me. It may look as if I am capable to do a lot of things – a working mother with three kids doing a PhD while at the same time serving the community and people around me – but all my strengths come from Allah. My willpower and inner motivation comes from my desire to do what I do for Allah, for dakwah and for Islam so that everything good that I do will count as my ibadah and good deeds. But apart from doing it for the sake of Allah, have I really truly trust my life in the hands of Allah?

I recently learned a lesson about putting my life in the hands of Allah. 

You see, I am halfway through my PhD – but I have a lot of work to do. And this year and next will be very challenging. Right now I’m on a break to stay at home while my husband is doing his write-up, Alhamdulillah. But he will have to return back to Malaysia for a while, with the kids, before applying for unpaid leave to accompany me until I finish my PhD. There are so many things uncertain in the future – and it looks so hard – imagine going through it. So we have long put any plans to have an additional family member, especially while I’m still doing my PhD. In fact, we were already focused on raising our three kids plus finishing our PhDs and planning our career when we return back to Malaysia for good. But surely, Allah is the Best Planner. 

Yes, I am pregnant with our fourth child. Two months now. I must say we were shocked because we feel like its nothing short of a miracle. But Allah can make anything happen, if Allah wills it. I laughed and cried at the same time when I learned that I’m pregnant because I have never imagine myself in this situation – not in the plan, and don’t know how I will do it. After a while it occurred to us that the way in which Allah grants us this “rezeki”, (insyaAllah, may this pregnancy be safe thoughout) – is a direct message from Him – that He is All-Knowing, the Best Planner. At that time, I understood what it really means to be putting your life 100% in the hands of Allah – we don’t know how we will do it, we don’t know what will happen next, but we know Allah will help us and guide us all the way. 

And we know that there will always be something good with what Allah brings to us. Alhamdulillah, after we learned about the pregnancy, my husband got a green light from his supervisors to proceed with his writing-up without having to do additional experimental work. The outlook suddenly looks good , at least for the next couple months. But what will happen next after he finishes his PhD and return to UTP with the kids? only Allah knows. and we leave it all in the hands of Allah. Surely He is All-knowing, and Best Planner. 

Thank you Allah, for everything